Posted on October 14, 2010 by masterkan
Tickoff: Keptin to ze Breedge. Keptin to ze Breedge.
Captain Jerk: Jerk here. What is it, Mr. Tickoff?
Tickoff: Keptin. Ze Reliant is demandink our imvediate surrender.
Captain Jerk: Where is Lt. Omanura?
Tickoff: Nobody knows, Sir. Valkingk? Shoppingk?
Captain Jerk: Have Mr. Schlock, Dr. Mcgoo and Snotty join me in the Briefing Room immediately.
Tickoff: Ay, Sir.
[THREE HOURS LATER.]
Captain Jerk: Mr. Schlock, provide us with background.
Mr. Schlock: In the 21st Century the Harrisburg University of Science and Technology’s Savannah Genetic Enhancement Institute created a genetically modified race of Supermen and Superwomen. Apparently, these SuperHumans now have control of the Reliant and threaten to impose professionalism, responsibility, team work, fairness, civility and a work ethic throughout the entire Federation.
Dr. Mcgoo: My God, you pointy-eared chemistry major! These freaks of nature threaten our way of life; all that we stand for! And all you can do is think of your own emotional issues?
Captain Jerk: Snotty, can you create an anonymous blog and run it through the warped engines?
Snotty: It would’no take a miracle, Captain.
Tickoff: Keptin. Keptin Kan-Midnightian stDARR of ze Reliant is again demandink our imvediate surrender and is threatening to board ze wessel.
Captain Jerk: Let it roll through to voicemail. He’ll have to assume we are busy. We’ll reconvene in a week or so and start thinking about what we might have to do. Kan-Midnightian stDARR tasks me. He tasks me!
[TWO HOURS LATER.]
Captain Jerk: This is the Captain’s log. Stardate … whatever. I am deeply concerned that we have a spy within our little group. Time for another drink. If only I had passed the GRE!
[TO BE CONTINUED.]